Identity crisis

I’ve been having trouble getting time to write my blog over the last few days, but I had a free moment and wanted to sit and share my thoughts.  Over the past few days I’ve had reminders of the impact society has on the way we act. I find it somewhat puzzling that we allow this to happen, but I know I’m just as guilty as the next one when it comes to it.  My first example of this comes from last Friday.

  On Veterans Day, my sister and I decided to volunteer our time for the community. My brother-in-law was in the Marines, and I have other friends and family who have served our country, and I couldn’t think of a better way to honor them than by doing something to give to others. We decided to help set up displays at Water Works Park for the Jolly Holiday Lights festivities that will start soon.  The Jolly Holiday Lights is an annual fundraiser for the Make-A-Wish foundation, and proceeds from the event go towards the granting of these wishes. I think this is such an amazing cause and organization, so I was more than happy to help.

 Our volunteer job that day consisted of helping assemble the various light-up displays that people drive through and view.  The displays are made of piping and wire and of course lots of lights. As these displays can be rather large, they aren’t stored in one piece, but broken down into smaller sections that are later assembled for display.  We met with our volunteer crew to travel around the park and put the displays together.  Upon meeting our crew leader, he gave a chuckle at us, and said “You two have never done this before, have you?”  I don’t know if he was implying that we were wearing the wrong clothes, didn’t have the right tools, or what exactly, but it doesn’t give the best first impression.

 After a quick explanation of what we would be doing, we set right into getting the displays put together. Our main task was to assemble the sections together, so a lot of bolt and screw tightening and loosening would be the task of the day. This sounds simple enough, but at times my sister and I both found this to be a challenge. Some of the bolts were very tight on the piping, and others were somewhat stripped and difficult to tighten into place. But faced with the task, we both jumped right in to help where we could and never complained about it.

 After putting together maybe half a dozen displays or so, our volunteer leader said “You must have a desk job.” I jokingly replied “Is it that obvious?” but inside I admit I was a bit annoyed.  Yes, I work at a desk every day. I don’t claim to be a pro when it comes to carpentry, mechanics and similar tasks. Regardless of that, I’m still willing to try it out and do what I can to help, especially when I know it’s for a good cause. As all of this was happening though, I began to question my “manliness.” It’s silly of me to do, but it’s something that happens from time to time. Certain social settings or situations can cause me to feel inadequate in some way. I know in my heart that I’m not, but I still admit to feeling that pressure from society to fit the norm of what people think I should be.

 I can also feel this pressure from groups in which I do “belong.”  Being a gay man, it’s often perceived that I have a knack for decorating and art. While I can tell you whether something looks nice or not, I’d never claim myself to be an interior designer.  I recall an experience a few years ago where I was asked to wrap several boxes to serve as a holiday display for an employer. I can get wrapping paper on a box, but it’s not going to be pretty. One of my co-workers noticed me struggling to get one of the boxes covered. Her response was, “isn’t that like second nature to you?”  Again I replied jokingly that I must have skipped that class during my training.

  Upon reflection of all of this, I realize that in each of these situations, I had a choice to throw in the towel or not proceed with what I was doing because I wasn’t a natural at it, but I chose instead to go for it anyway. I could let the pressure I felt from my peers debilitate me into only doing the things I’m comfortable with, or I could do it anyway and prove to myself that I don’t have to fit into the mold others may try to put me in.  I know that it’s not just me who feels this way either.

 Stereotyping and gender role issues affect everyone. A few days ago Craig was telling me that several of his co-workers had been to see “Wicked” over the weekend.  He said that everyone enjoyed it, but the men in his office had a really hard time admitting that they had even gone to the show, let alone that they had enjoyed it. I’m sure that a lot of this was due to the idea that if they admit they enjoyed a musical, that must somehow make them less of a man or something. I often wonder what we miss out on in life because we’re too afraid to experience something different. The fear of being labeled into a stereotype can be a really crippling thing, and I think that’s unfortunate.

  I know this affects women too. If a woman wants to play sports she can be labeled “too butch.” If she wants to be healthy and manage her weight she can be “anorexic.” A woman who’s married and doesn’t have children must “have something wrong with her.”  None of these statements are true. If you view history and see what women have been able to accomplish by standing up and trying new things, you get an excellent example of just how amazing we can be as a society if we make the effort.

 I know that it’s difficult to change behaviors, especially those that have long been present and accepted by the general public. I also think that when you’re willing to be a little more open-minded, and to stop perceiving things the way you’ve always been taught to do so, that you open your world to an entire new set of possibilities. Strike up a conversation with someone who doesn’t fit your normal comfort zone.  Do something in your life that doesn’t follow the daily routine. I think if we all were willing to make a small step or two into something a bit out of our bubbles, we’d start a force that can change the way we live and interact with each other.  You may learn a new talent you didn’t even realize you had, and you might make new friends too.